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MY COLLEGE JOURNEY (so far)

MY COLLEGE JOURNEY (so far)



hey guys welcome back to my channel if you guys are new hi I am Madison and I post college related videos specifically around nursing since I start nursing school and all guess which I'm so excited about and you guys we just hit 11,000 subscribers that is so crazy thank you guys so much you guys are amazing and I am so grateful for every single one of you and I'm so excited to just share my journey with you guys and you guys are amazing and a lot of you say you want to start channels please do so we can just all support each other and watch each other's journeys and be in this together alright so as you can tell by the title of this video this is going to be a video all about my college journey so far and I might get emotional in this so that's why I didn't put any makeup on I'm gonna try not to but it's um a lot so I'm gonna be talking a little bit about depression and anxiety in this video so I just want to put that as a warning if you know any of this upsets you and you don't want to watch this then I just wanted to put that out there I think beginning of the video but I know that this video is going to answer a lot of questions that I get quite frequently so if you're interested definitely go ahead and keep on watching so if I'm looking here it's because I have a notes um out so I can stay on topic because I tend to ramble a lot so first off I am going to be starting my junior year of college in August 28 19 20 years old I just turned 20 in April so I get that question a lot how old I am so I'm 20 years old okay so I started college August 2017 and I started at Ohio University and that is in Athens Ohio which was about three and a half four hours from where I live in Cleveland my first semester of college was amazing I adjusted extremely well I was doing very well in all my classes I had the perfect I found that perfect balance between social life and like studying in school obviously school always came first but I always made time for my friends and to also have a life which was extremely and that's important in anything that you do because you are gonna get burnout if all you do is work or school I like the way I can describe it is like I was in like this a dream world and it was almost like it was too good to be true almost like things were just going kind of too well but I ended up making like the Dean's List and I was like so proud of myself I was just doing really well in all my classes and that was because I was working it so hard and I'm just gonna I'm not gonna go into super depth of like the classes but I am gonna it let you guys know the classes that I took so first semester I took like a English class that no matter what your major was at oh you everyone had to at least take an English class in order to graduate so I took an English class I took an introduction to human biology which is still to this day one of my favorite classes and I took production to communications introduction to psychology introduction to nutrition and also a learning community which was that that was kind of a toe you like an introduction to college class getting to know other people in your major it was pretty simple but everyone was required I think to take it and so I was on the five year nursing plan at OU u so they do have a four-year nursing plan but it's basically set up to pretty much be five years if you fail one class if you decide to study abroad or if you didn't have like a certain GPA in high school or if you didn't get a certain score on the AC T or didn't have a certain classes John you would be on a five-year plan and I did not I think you had to get like a 24 in the acct or something and like I did not get that so I was on the five-year plan which was frustrating cuz I had all the classes done I had the well over the GPA required but that's okay I had a lot of friends who started out on the four-year plan and ended up on the five-year plan but yeah so I was going to be on the five-year plan and graduate with my bachelor's nursing so that was the plan and I also had three roommates we lived in a very tiny room and it was a huge adjustment trying to live with three other girls I remember it was like amazing when I was like in the shower it was just like quiet but it was amazing they're great girls and everything was really amazing I loved it the plan was to stay there for five years but obviously things don't always go plan and God has something else planned so I go into second semester of college at Ohio University and this was January 2018 and I started experiencing there I sorry my brother's screaming I started experiencing very severe depression anxiety very scary scary just in a very dark dark scary headspace I've never experienced that before that intense I was so scared and it was it was really hard I didn't know if I'd be able to make it through I didn't know what was gonna happen my brother keeps screaming depression anxiety kind of came out of nowhere um I was when I came um back to school on like the first day I remember unpacking for a second semester and I was kind of feeling like you get those days we were just kind of like like kind of sad for no reason I'm just kind of in a rut and I figured like it was something normal that like I think we all go through sorrows we make up and we just have like those days for no reason but then we're fine after a day or two and I thought maybe it was just because I was home for a month with my family and you know it's kind of it was all exciting because it's like your first semester when I was starting for a semester the weather's a lot nicer and it's really hard to kind of like maintain a good mood especially in the winter you know seasonal seasonal depression it's a real thing and in Ohio we definitely get all four seasons sometimes we got all four seasons in one day so I thought it was just um you know a day where I was just kind of feeling mm-hmm but it progressively got worse and I remember just feeling so confused and I remember calling home and crying and my parents are like Oh like it's okay like because my sister kind of went through that she started a week before me and she was throwing with her classes and my parents that I was just like overwhelmed but I was trying to tell them like no this is different this is like serious and they were kind of like we'll just stick it out you'll be fine and then obviously as days went on weeks went on and I was so depressed and I was so like anxious all the time I wasn't eating the thought of eating made me want to like throw up so I think I was maybe eating like an applesauce or like a yogurt and I remember like looking down one day at like my arms or something and it literally looking like my bones were going to like rip through this skin because I am a pretty petite person to begin with and I did not need to lose weight and I lost a ton of weight because I wasn't eating and I would make myself sick so like I was always happy to use the restroom and like being worried me music so let me just quickly say the classes that I started taking that semester was medical terminology anatomy 1 general chemistry and sociology and I remember one day specifically on a Saturday like studying for like seven hours for my first anatomy exam and retaining no information because I could not focus my eye it was not even me I didn't even like it was not me and it was so crazy and so I decided that I needed to get help and I needed to be home and my parents were definitely against me coming home because we had already paid it for that semester and I think it's like 12,000 per semester which is in the same and it was a really hard decision but I knew that I needed to do it and luckily my parents were supportive and I was able to get most of my money back which was amazing but so I came home I got help I started going to therapy I've been going to therapy for about a year and a half now I definitely recommend it I think everybody should go to therapy regardless of if you have a mental illness or not because it's nice to just talk to somebody and get their unbiased opinion and just get some things off your chest but that's another video and so I came home I got help I was so disappointed in myself and embarrassed I was like why is this happening to me why do everyone else from high school is loving college and you know having this amazing life why can't why of course this happens to me I was kind of like feeling bad for myself so luckily I enrolled in my community college and they have eight week classes so I came home in February and they have eight week classes and I was able to pick up two I picked up statistics and developmental psychology and it was very difficult and I remember I did not want to go to school I was so scared because of my depression anxiety and I was so worried and I remember you know what I also took up patient care class and I remember being so worried I remember again at this time I was 18 years old okay and I remember still wasn't eating and it was like my first day of classes and I was crying bawling my eyes out cuz I was so scared cuz I was just having so much anxiety and I was so sad and I was so scared to go to class and I was like crying and my mom my mom okay I'm 18 at the time for see me she's like you need to eat something so I was eating a yogurt and I remember just the tears rolling down my face falling into the yogurt I was a mess I went to class like just a mess and it was such a process to do anything I lost interest in everything that I loved doing and I literally had to teach myself how to live again and – I wasn't at me for so long and it was so scary but it gets better you can get help you guys can reach out to me like I am here for you guys luckily I'm surrounded by an amazing support system yeah I've lost a lot of friends throughout this who just don't understand and that's okay because I have the most amazing couple of friends I think I have like five really close ones who are just amazing and understanding so yes um that is the reason I came home and I switched from university to a community college because I could not be far away from home when I was going through all of that it was unexpected nobody plans for these things to happen but it happened and I'm still here today and I am so happy it gets better I promise you get the help you need grow in your faith reach out to God just it's gonna be okay I promise you it may not seem like it when you are in that mindset everything that you like you're not thinking rationally everything is blurred everything is like surrounded by darkness and you can't think rationally so don't make any permanent decisions when you are in that state okay so in the summer last summer summer 2018 I took anatomy 1 that was like my whole summer I worked my butt off I loved that class so that went really well and then vol 28 scene I took anatomy to sociology I took general organic and biochem it was like all in one and then I took music appreciation that's for my bachelor's and then spring 2019 this past spring I took microbiology and I also took a CPR and First Aid class which was kind of a based around like trauma first aid which was amazing and then I am going to start nursing school in August 20 19 was just so exciting I actually just got a notification on canvas or something and I'm kind of scared to open it I'm not but yes so I am doing a two-year ad program which means I will graduate with my associates degree and I will be in RN which is a registered nurse and then I am hoping to have the hospital that I'm working at pay for me to finish off my bachelor's and I'm getting my bachelor's degree through oh you because I already have so many classes taken through them and then after I get my bachelor's I am planning on moving to California and pursuing nursing over there as well and also going to nurse practitioner school moving to California has been my dream since I was so little and it's the best place in the whole entire world so that's the plan I'm not gonna be mad if it doesn't work out because I've learned that things are not gonna go as planned and that is okay don't be hard on yourself because your plan like your things aren't going your way but it's okay because it's going to work out and God has something way better and crazier and amazing more than you can imagine plan for you so we have to be patient with ourselves be patient with him and everything that you go through every battle every hard experience things that are very difficult is gonna make you a stronger person so I am a completely different person I am my outlook on life is took a full 360 it is so different I matured so much I still feel like I'm 10 years old and I am still immature at times but the outlook that I have in the perspective that I have of not only myself but the world and others and life has changed and yes I have had times oh I think it was fall semester this past year is the 2018 where I did have some days in a row where I was feeling anxious for no reason but you have to identify it don't push you to the back of your mind take care of yourself your mental health is a priority it is so important there was times where I was feeling just horrible I don't go on social media because that makes it worse seeing people be and stuff don't go on it it's not good if you're already feeling like that um and yeah you guys I am so happy that I got to share this with you guys because a lot of people don't know why I came home and all of you guys asked me so that is the reason why that is the only reason why and yeah I hope that this kind of gave you a better idea of why I did what I did some of the classes that I took and kind of my future goals and plans if it goes as planned but you guys I am so grateful for you guys you make me so happy your kindness and everything means so much to me and that I'm an inspiration it's crazy you guys thank you it just I really don't know how I got so lucky and I get emotional about it because I feel like you guys are all my friends I've never been someone who have a bunch of friends I always have a couple close ones and I feel like we're all like close and like bonding and I would love to meet you guys someday and keep doing amazing amazing things I am always here for you guys if you were going through something right now I promise I promise it's going to get better you have to take it day by day okay don't worry about the past and do not stress about the future focus right now and do what you can to make yourself feel happy and your mental health is the most important thing okay if you need to take a day off if you need to just cancel plans with friends to just take a minute with yourself and recognize what's going on then you need to do that and that is the most important thing and if you have people around you to support you and help you and you are so lucky and it's an amazing thing be there for somebody if one of your friends are kind of being distant or I don't seem okay reach out to them because you never know what somebody is going through and that is why you have to be so kind to everybody because you truly never know what someone's going through they can put on a smile and anyway never know so yeah that video this it was a little bit difficult to film but you guys wanted this video so I hope you guys enjoyed it I am so grateful for all of you and I hope you guys are having an amazing day and yeah I love you guys so much and I'll see you in my next video


Reader Comments

  1. glad you are doing better now madi! good luck with nursing school ^^ will continue to send love & support

  2. Gf we were definitely in the same classes at OU!! I only lasted a year and half a semester, had a breakdown at the end of Organic Chem, and dropped out. That’s when I decided to go to community college. Glad you’re doing better, I am too! ❤️

  3. I definitely resonate with this video! I went to a 4 year university my freshman year and loved it! But things changed and after the first year I decided to transfer to a community college closer to home for many different reasons including mental health and nursing school and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. Never thought it would happen to me but it’ll all work out in the end 🙂

  4. Thank you for sharing your story Madi!! I am super grateful to hear about you going through similar things as me (PCA, Nursing School in the fall, being serious, passionate, and happy about school/life to dealing with depression, anxiety, and going with the flow of life). I love to hear your positive outlook on life- like you said, I feel that I only have a few close friends that understand me. Binge watching all of your videos makes feel close to you too, thank you Madi I can’t wait to hear more about your journey!!!! 💘

  5. Continue doing what your doing, life can be so hard, and people can be cruel, especially those who don’t understand it, rather their friends, family, etc. nursing school is going to seem impossible, there’s so much information that’s going to be thrown at you, and your going to wonder “how am I ever going to remember all of this!?” But remember it is possible, they make it hard for a reason, to weed people out. And we, the world, need more caring, compassionate nurses like you in the world. so just always keep your eyes on The goal, and if you need to cry, then cry, need to scream, then scream, let every emotion you feel out, but just never give up! People share all kinds of funny memes about nursing school, and yeah they make you laugh, but it’s scary how true they are once you start. Your life will pretty much revolve around school, and it’s good that you’ve already weeded the bad friends out, because your going to need understanding people around you. People think, especially lookin in from the outside, nursing school/classes, are like any other program, but it’s so much more harder, like learning a new langue, at the moment, your nursing brain isn’t their, and so when their going over some of the stuff it’ll sound a little familiar from A&P, especially in med surg, but now instead of learning the parts, your going to learn each and just about every disease that goes with that part of the body, which is where the nursing brain slowly but surly kicks in. Like watching a movie in a langue that your currently learning, you can pick out bits and pieces that you understand, but most of the movie your just reading the subtitles. I don’t want to scare you, because all of that stress, crying, etc, will all melt away once you walk across that stage and and get pinned! 😍 and your going to feel so proud of yourself that nothing or no one could ever take that moment in time from you! Your going to be a wonderful nurse. 😊
    Oh and just a little heads up, all of your instructors will at least have their BSN, and so when they teach they teach as though you should already know this info, and it’ll make you feel blah that your taking awhile to catch on, join a study group, or start one, and you’ll see your not the only one feeling that way. I’ve honestly only met one instructor who didn’t teach like that.🤦🏾‍♀️ and honestly I don’t even think they know that they are doing it. Good luck, and sorry for the long paragraph!

  6. Thank you so much for the advice. I’m also a nursing student and it’s not easy, there’s so many ups and downs and so many breakdowns because of worries about getting into nursing school but having patience with yourself and trusting in God just gives you the courage to keep going.

  7. I relate so much to this. I also moved home after my freshman year (because of depression) from a college that was 4 hours from home!! You aren’t alone!!! Praying for you <3

  8. I have suffered with severe depression and debilitating anxiety for most of my life. Off and on, from having childhood trauma /illness, hospitalizations to having mental illness in my family ( inherited traits). Mental illness in a parent as well has been something at least now we are more freely discussing and removing the stigma. I truly realized that I was going to be okay when I saw the movie Silver Linings Playbook. Bradley Cooper is telling the therapist that before he was diagnosed, he had been “white knuckling it” not knowing what was going on-I started to cry when the answer to this statement given was “That had to be hard”
    It is hard! And we think sometimes it’s happening “for no reason” There’s a reason-we are not well and it’s manifesting in a way that is unfamiliar…it would be so much easier to put on an ice pack and elevate🤪. But it’s just a little more complex-
    I’m so glad that you’re sharing this part of your life and journey-it will help so many-we are so connected.
    I think so many of us are drawn to nursing because we know what it’s like to be hurting…and caring for others is also a way to feel better too!

  9. This is so relatable thank your for sharing! I’m applying for the nursing program and I’m so scared having anxiety is going to ruin it! What else helped you through this besides therapy did you use medication as well? TIA ❤️

  10. Hey girl, I’m 25 and in level 3 (junior) of nursing school, almost a senior! Woohoo! I have struggled immensely with my anxiety and stress but I have learned ways to cope, nursing school is hard and intense and I have had several failures and pushed through… the most important qualities a person needs in order to be a nurse (in my opinion) is kindness and humility and I try to remember that…. You have those amazing qualities. You’re beautiful and you’ll do great. Congrats on getting accepted. Prayers and love to you.

  11. Watching made me feel like I'm not alone bc I went through the same thing I left my 4 year college after being there for one semester I was dealing with alot with anxiety and depression so when i went back home i prayed to god more and things got way better I'm now at community college for nursing! thank you for sharing your story 💕

  12. madi you’re story is amazing!! I’m currently going into my sophomore year and have to apply to nursing school and take the teas soon!! i look up to you through your videos and am so glad to have stumbled upon you when looking for teas help. anxiety is something i deal with too with comparing myself to my friends on the same journey but just praying through it!! go you girl and can’t wait to continue watching you grow girl💜

  13. I needed to hear this. I ended up failing a course two years ago and then having to repeat it the following year. I felt pretty low about myself and wanted to quit. Ended up talking to my amazing support system and realized that it doesn’t matter how long it takes me to finish my nursing degree. It’s tough but so am I. Thanks for sharing this. ♥️

  14. thank you so much for sharing this! I've been going through a lot of anxiety with school right now while taking my nursing prerequisites and I am so glad that I don't feel alone anymore. You're a huge inspiration and I cannot wait to follow your nursing journey

  15. It made me smile seeing you smile at the end hearing how much you've changed! Im so happy for you! I had a plan to finish at my 4-year university and it didn't quite workout how I wanted it to after 2 years and now I am back home at my community college as well starting the nursing program next fall, but as you said it was for the better and not everything goes as planned and that is perfectly okay 🙂

  16. Would’ve never thought that you were going through this because of how well you are now. So glad that you surpassed that and learned so much from it. So proud of you!

  17. Finishing up a few classes and then applying!! I have two kiddos under the age of 4. I just started a channel about being a mom on the pre-nursing journey! 13 hours down and I have a 4.0 GPA so far!

  18. I went to community college for two years before going to a state university. I absolutely loved my time at community college! I wish I could have stayed all through college! 💕

  19. You go girl!! I can’t wait to continue watching you grow and seeing where life takes you!! Such an inspiration 🌟

  20. Thank you for sharing this, I understand where you are coming from I just finished my first year of community college and it was one of the hardest times of my life. I had really bad family problems, while trying to support myself and being in college. My depression and anxiety were so bad I didn’t care for anything, my grades were dropping severely and I didn’t care about life and this continued the rest of the year, I lost so many friends too. I was so depressed I thought about ending my life almost everyday, I wasn’t myself. I ended up quit my job and just focusing on school, and when even that didn’t work I just realized I needed to really focus on my mental health. I would sleep all day and eat maybe once a day and I was mean to people, I hated myself for it. I’m now still working on my mental health, it’s very hard but I won’t give up ever. I’m here for a reason and I always remind myself things do get better. You are an inspiration, and I’m so happy things are looking up for you. ❤️ ( sorry this is so long)

  21. Wow I never knew you went through these things as well I’m so sorry. I completely understand. I became a mother at 19 so I had taken some time off before starting school last semester I am now 21 and my son will be 2 soon and it is extremely difficult for me! I’ve been a stay at home mother for so long now and was not working while I was pregnant so I feel like I have lost communication skills I have terrible social anxiety in class and most days I just cry and cry I feel so behind in life and I struggle so much in my classes. I am honestly such a slow learner and sometimes I just feel like I can’t do anything. I recently just dropped my summer class yesterday because my anxiety has gotten to me so badly I was enrolled for a 5-10pm class for Microbiology and I just couldn’t do it 😩 I feel like such a failure to my son at this moment 😩 but it is so nice to hear that you’ve dealt with some of the same issues and you’re doing so great in school! I applaud you so much for that! I pray that one day I’m able to feel normal again.

  22. Such an inspiration 😊 videos like this take the stigma away from mental illness and help everyone. Thanks for using your platform for good! Glad you’re doing better

  23. You’re such a great person❤️ I wish you the best and I really love your channel . When I watch your videos I feel so excited for nursing school.

  24. aw thank you for sharing this with us! I understand where you're coming from and I feel like so many of us compare ourselves to others and feel worse about ourselves after. I'm so glad you are feeling better now and just know that we are all in this together💪🏻 keep up with the good work girl ❤️

  25. Going to post my first video this week that will be a Nursing School Haul. You have inspired me to start my channel and inspire other aspiring nurses. Thanks girl!

  26. Hi again! I knew we had something in common. I failed my first semester of nursing school, due to my severe depression and anxiety. My mom was not very supportive and I had to work full time to be able to afford my books for my first semester of nursing school. It was very stressful since I didn't have anything to help me study. I ended up being hospitalized after, but I'm proof that it does get better! (: Only two more semesters until I graduate from Nursing school. You're an inspiration Madi 💗

  27. I just discovered your channel a few weeks ago! I used to attend college 6 years ago and I dropped out because of the stress. I just signed up for classes to start in August and I’m going for nursing! You’ve inspired me to vlog my journey too! I want to be able to look back at my videos and see the progress I made because I know I will be so proud of what I did. I love your videos and I’m so happy I found you!

  28. I understand exactly what you went through, my entire high school career was filled with me being depressed and anxious, and not thinking it was going to turn out okay. But we are both pursing nursing now and came out of the other side of the tunnel! You are so inspiring and you are going to crush nursing school!!

  29. I’m at the same point of my nursing journey as you are! I’m in an associates nursing program as well. So happy I found you and can watch your videos as I go along. Keep up the great videos so happy you are growing so fast!!!

  30. THIS. THIS. THIS. By far my favorite video you've ever done! I cried watching this because I relate so much. You have no idea how much I needed this. I've always struggled with anxiety (A part of it is because I have a speech impediment, I stutter) and people can be rude about that. Sometimes I wonder if I'll even get anywhere in life because of it, or if I'll be a good nurse even with it. However, there are other factors involved in my anxiety also. I constantly stay anxious about anything & everything. Thank you a million times for this video!!! I have Anatomy and Medical Terminology this coming semester. I'm already anxious about that. Please make a video about how you passed those? Tips, ideas, etc. Also I know this is suppose to be a Nursing channel, but I'd personally love if you would make a video all about therapy (if you're comfortable with it), and I would also love to see faith videos if you feel comfortable doing that. I love you soooo much, thank you again for this. You're one of the sweetest people in this world. The world needs more people like you. It helps knowing I'm not alone. I'm sorry I requested so many video ideas 😭❤️ you'll be an amazing nurse!

  31. And I thought my senior year was challenging! My struggle was trivial compared to yours. I'm glad you're at a point in your life when you can open up about this experience and share it with others. Who knows how many people this video could be helping. You can do this girl!!

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